Thirty seconds in the life of Ashley and Achilles, Soulmates (final verdict pending):
- Do you love me, Achilles?
- Of course, hon.
- Tell me why.
- Because you have a generous soul, a kind heart and a wicked sense of humor. You have a playful smile that keeps me guessing what's going on in that delightfully complicated mind of yours...
- Hmmm...
- Plus you've got humongous mammaries and a tongue that can make knots in cherry twigs in less than ten seconds.
(pause)
- Niiice. An 9.25 that time.
- Much better than the cr*p Piolo or Jericho can spew, huh?
- But I really meant that. The whole bit -- soul, heart, smile, mammaries, cherry twigs. I love.
- I know.
(Fiction)
(This entry is dedicated to my newly-married cousin Erwin, who is thinking of naming his first born either Ashley or Achilles. We're not sure if he was kidding. But we sure as hell are hoping he was.)PERMALINK
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1.26.2005
REMEMBER THE NAME
Karen Gloria Norte had always been meant for greatness. Her parents thought so. She thought so. And she reminded friends and strangers about this fact every chance she could get.
When her company decided to send her to a huge industry conference in one of those posh hotels along Manila Bay, she was certain the fact her boss was down with chicken pox had nothing to do with the last minute change in delegates. She had EARNED that chance to rub elbows with industry giants. Her affirmations ("I'm going land huge deals with the new contacts I'll be making!" or "I'm going to be pirated by the CEO of our rival company and become VP in 3 months!) amused her for days.
As she got off the cab on that big day, Karen straightened her suit with calm confidence. She reminded herself to walk slowly as she had just bought her beige Kenneth Cole 4-inchers the night before and were not broken in yet. She didn't want to ruin her date with destiny by spraining an ankle. She walked to the direction of the ballroom, then towards the 5-meter long registration desk.
"Karen?" a voice squealed above the dignified silence.
'Langya, is that ...
A tubby girl manning one of the registration terminals flapped her short arms like fins on a beached whale. "It me!"
Squinting, Karen drawled, "Aaa ..." Beth? Or Janice? No -- Leslie!.
"Farah!" Oh, her. Farah had been the clown of her high school class. Seeing her again was a surprise as Karen thought she overdosed on diet pills in their freshman year in college.
"Kamusta na!" Farah gushed, "Are you a delegate for this?"
"Yes." Obvious ba?
"Me, I'm temping for the organizers. I need the extra racket kasi -- just like everyone else on this planet! If you want an extra snack muffin later, just tell me." Farah blinked both eyes -- but Karen knew it was meant to be a wink. "Did you go to the reunion last Christmas? Diana said they had a blast -- I suppose that means everyone got drunk to their eyeballs ..."
Karen's eyes glazed as Farah monologued. Her thoughts were far from reunions. If this b*tch would just stop talking and give me my badge, I could do a little mingling over coffee.
Karen remembered how painfully mediocre Farah was back in high school. Back then, she pitied the girl for her low self-esteem, masked behind the godawful jokes. She was and always will be insignificant, the poor thing. If only she acted like she knew it.
"...And I heard Celina married this lawyer and she is like the super matrona of Ayala Alabang now. And remember ..."
Karen breathed deeply. Okay, a one-minute delay in my grand plans won't kill me.
"... But after high school I wanted to lose all the weight so I ate nothing but oranges and fiber capsules. It didn't work -- but my bowels are perfect now. Never had LBM since 1990 ..."
I was wrong -- it could! Karen held her hand up. "Listen, Farah. We didn't talk much when we were in high school, did we?"
Farah smiled, "No. Such a shame, huh?"
Karen flashed her patented dead-ma look. "Actually, that was intentional." She grabbed the pen on the registration table. "So, how do I register? I'm kinda in a rush here. I have to call my secretary before the conference starts." Karen did not have a secretary; but figured no one there knew that.
Farah paused, before shifting to lithium-happy again. "Oh, I'm so super sorry. Just give me your calling card. I'll type up and print out your badge for you."
Karen eagerly walked away from the registration table, just as Farah mumbled, "Enjoy the conference." Farah was a faint memory as soon as Karen felt the ballroom's plush carpet beneath her feet. Finally, Karen's plans were back on track.
I will make contacts that will matter in my upwardly-mobile career. I will impress people with my knowledge of the industry. I will amuse them even better with golf and Erap jokes. After this, everyone will remember my name -- Ms. Karen Gloria Albano Norte. Senior Manager Karen G. Norte. Vice-President Karen Gloria Albano Norte ...
Karen approached a group of handsome, young executives, only a few years older than she was. They were in a casual discussion near the center of the room. She took an empty chair beside them and skillfully made eye contact with the cutest one.
"Good morning," cute executive in a Simpsons tie introduced himself. "I'm Juan Carlos Tobias from Imperial Telecoms. 'First time I saw you in one of these things, Ms. ..." he strained as he read her badge -- before breaking into stiffled giggling -- which looked unsettling on a grown man.
He signalled the others to look at her and soon enough, everyone was laughing. "We're really sorry but ... you poor, poor girl..." one of them managed.
Karen didn't have a clue as to just what happened. She ran her hand on her face for smudge, her nose for booger -- nothing. She looked down on her blouse for an undone button; but noticed something else.
You will no longer read about my life beyond January 2004 on this site .
Instead, you will be reading short short stories I've fashioned in my head. Or tall tales close friends of my neigbor's yaya's cousin's boyfriend's ex swear by. Or mini-epics I've pulled out of my rear crevice while picking my nose. Or anecdotes about people in my life, dressed up to read like fiction, so I won't get sued or get into (more) fights.
My entries will remain short (because my attention span isn't what it used to be) but hopefully, will be more frequent. Some will be fun and funny -- some won't. Some will celebrate love, joy and cute, fluffy, bunny rabbits. Some will be disturbing and dark, because I need to make up for torturing you with the damn bunny rabbits. Some will carry messages of hope or change in a world that needs it. But mostly, they will be pointless because ... well, a lot of things I do are.
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1.13.2005
SOOO BORED
Yes I am.
I am exhausted from canibalizing my life for material for my weblog -- for three years now!
I am tired of referring to this page as "Dailies" when clearly, I am always too damn lazy or busy or tired to write something every day.
I have had it with launching into an animated delivery of a gloriously funny thing that happened in my life only to have the person across me say, "Oh, yeah, I read about that on your site."
I am too much of a tight-arsed snob to stay on the "blogging bandwagon" when this increasingly commercialized phenomenon has every kid in the country wanting to tell the world "WaT dEy Hd 4 BrEkFst".
I am bored with people with arses tighter than mine, who act all "good-god-what-have-you-done!" after reading something I wrote that they don't agree with. The same guys who believe that if something is on the Internet, everyone else will think it's true.
So, I've decided to do this place over. Just a bit. 'Will rethink the structure and the content, keeping most of the design elements which I've grown accustomed to. I still want to write, no doubt about that; but I will be writing about something else, writing some other way. Basta.
2004 has been a whopper. The year marked such a dramatic turning point in my life (in some ways, for the better; in others, worse) that it is only fitting to bid it farewell with an entry -- a first for me.
What was your greatest 2004 discovery? I got hooked later than everyone else, but it's not like I give a cr*p so -- Spongebob Squarepants (certified brain drain), Band of Brothers (made me appreciate a film genre I used to stay away from), Bowling for Soup ("1985" was soo fun). Plato Wraps (yum). Summit Books (short, fun indulgences).
What was the best thing about your 2004? Having time. "Quantity time" to hang out with my kids doing absolutely nothing, which beats the hell out of what I used to do -- cramming a truckload of activities into weekend "quality time". That, and getting several gorgeous Coach and Kenneth Cole shoes with matching purses from my sister.
What was the scariest thing about your 2004? Starting my own business. I feel more emotional and financial pressure in trying to generate sales for my small business than I ever felt when I was running after 200 million dollar telecoms infrastructure accounts where 100 jobs hung in the balance. For the record, Britney singing "My Prerogative" also gave me quite a scare.
If there was one thing in 2004 you could change, what would it be? I would have wanted Mother Nature to take out her yuletide fury (something all mothers experience) somewhere aside from South East Asia and the Philippines' Region 5. Somewhere uninhabited. I would also have wanted to have more will power to eat less carbohydrates.
What never happened in 2004 you wished did? My dad, my mom, my brother, my sisters, me, our spouses and kids all having a meal together in the house I grew up in ... something that could never ever happen, sadly. Oh, and winning the Lotto jackpot would have been nice too.
What is your top year-end/new year resolution? Stop procrastinating. Ha ha. The fact that I wrote this on the 12th of January is a measure of how far a promise boldly declared on the eve of a new year, after downing (out of politeness for our hosts) several ginseng "health" drinks (13% alcohol, I read later) go with me. Oh well, c'est la mon vie.
