I have not known pain until now -- my throbbing head leaves me in a flood of tears and my tempestuous stomach rejects anything that could nourish me and my unborn. I have not known a decent night’s sleep in two weeks, as alien aches now haunt parts of me I never knew could even hurt. I walk through my days and get through my nights, consciously managing the pervasive propensity to hurl. And if my previous pregnancies were any indication, I will remain like this for another three months. **Bleep**ing hell!
I blame Eve for eating that **bleep**ing apple. I blame my husband for not having a **bleep**ing uterus. I blame my husband’s boy-scout sperms for being great swimmers. I blame those stupid romantic movies that make me feel hormonal. I blame my parents for making me a nausea-prone wimp. I blame science for inventing too many **bleep**ing penis and boobs enhancers -- and not enough pregnancy-safe painkillers. I blame my children for being so wonderful that I forgot how **bleep**ing painful it was to make them.
In keeping with our family's tradition, Diego's early road to eloquence resembles, at best, the PNCC-run South Expressway. This week's new terms include:
Ate Beth – noun, a set of letters or characters with which one or more languages are written. In a sentence, “Mama, watch ‘Same Street. Sing Ate Beth. ABCDEFG....”
Tollgate – noun, a branded paste for cleaning teeth. In a sentence, “Mama, brush teeth. I want tollgate please.”
Half the time, we keel over laughing at how my three-year old expresses himself; the other half, we stand clueless to what he's talking about. He’s funny and vague – darn, my son will have a great future in Philippine politics!
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2.12.2003
LOSING MY MOJO
Not the Austin-Powers-Ivana-Humpalot-type mojo. Nah, not that mojo. I'm talking the squinty side stare, the oh-so practiced pout, the brisk walk the uninitiated would think is a charge -- the edginess, the intensity, the temperament. They're gone.
And without them, I've been really... nice. So nice that I'm starting to scare me.
I've come to realize that since the beginning of the year, I have yet to get truly upset about anything -- not that I haven't found reason to. I have felt no urge to react to the tiny fights that have presented themselves. Weird.
I've been at peace with the world for quite a time now that it makes me wonder if this is the calm before the storm. Or perhaps just compelling proof that my hormones are truly off their orbits.
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2.10.2003
THE BROTHERS’ PRAYERS
Ever since the glorious news of the pending arrival of our new family member, my evening prayers with my boys have taken an interesting turn. Carlo would pray for a sister and Diego would echo his kuya’s request -- unaware he was the reason for the no-more-boys sentiment. Diego would pray that I stop being a suka girl and Carlo would pray that Daddy should throw up instead. Sweet, huh?
I have always had the uncanny ability to “customize” my dreams. I kid you not. Ever since I was 13 or so, I could condition myself (for the first dream cycle) to dream of things which are pre-destined never to happen to me in real life – oh, say, me and C. Thomas Howell on a desert island, or me and Rob Lowe trapped in an elevator … you get the picture.
So you can image my gloom, when I awoke several times from a nightlong dream that was exactly like my reality -- worst, my WORK reality. The dream ran on like a regular office day! No Brad Pitt cameo! No new Anne Kein wardrobe! No new corner office overlooking the Pacific Ocean! Even yesterday’s ham and cheese sandwich lunch made an appearance! WTF!
I woke up feeling I just came home from work! *sigh* I need to get my cerebral cortex recalibrated …
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2.04.2003
THE NEXT NINE MONTHS
The next nine months will be a very interesting time for me and my family. Yes, folks, we are pregnant! Or so the quack-type doctors at seedy hospital near my house told me (initially, I thought I ate bad cheese again). I will have to get back to you on Saturday with the specs, after my OB gyne in Makati Med gives me the full look-over.
Yes, yes, interesting times indeed! Through my entries, you will have a front seat to the miracle of birth as seen though the eyes of an expectant mother -- well, that is, if I have the energy to write them. These first five months, if you're looking for new entries and can't find any, there is a very distinct possibility that I am too busy barfing my brains out.
Excuse me, I have to go lose my breakfast now ...
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